By Dr Deborah Quinn
A little bit deeper …
Do you occupy most of your mind and day with irritations – what someone said, didn’t say, did or didn’t do – interspersed with short-lived highs when someone says or does something ‘good’ for you…?
Put another way, are you measuring your worth entirely on what others say and do in relation to you? (partners, friends, relatives, employers…. even strangers)
This is the opposite of self-worth: rather than you connecting to your worth, it relies on what is referenced back to you- on compliments to feel attractive, on praise to feel accomplished, on promotions to feel successful, on reassurance to feel okay…
So maybe you are a slave to your own feelings of guilt and need for approval…
Two things to gently consider
1) Am I guilted into most things I do, by others or by myself?
(I feel I should, otherwise I am not a good husband/wife/daughter/employee etc)
Does this inexplicable guilt keep you a ‘slave’, causing you to feel restricted/confined and limiting your authentic expression and action in life?
Does it actually feel like you’ve ground to a halt?
2) Do I seek approval for my actions? Who have you assigned as your authority?
Do you …
- Ask other people what you should do?
- Feel better if they praise, agree or encourage?
- Feel useless if they criticise or ignore?
Why do we do this?
This is the collective norm and those who feel so painfully restricted by these conditions, though they may not know what to do initially, are the ones who will start the journey to live beyond them.
Photo by Jan Erik Walder
Everything feels so much more peaceful when you start to develop a true sense of worth independently of what others seem to feed back to you. This is a beautiful process, connecting to yourself authentically and discovering all that you have to offer.
Spending even some of your life feeling aggrieved or helpless at the words and actions of others keeps you a slave to your emotional response… You are putting value to these words and actions and this causes you pain.
The real truth is people say unkind or demanding things only because they feel insecure in some way… and that is the whole story.
It’s not about you at all!
Knowing this can help you start to feel empathy towards their insecurities and lessen the impact of how they relate to you. It doesn’t mean you can’t discern lack of kindness, unreasonable demands or more subtle manipulations. Quite the reverse, you see them with much greater clarity and you stop responding with hurt towards them. It’s no longer an option to keep losing yourself by directing your action towards other people’s expectations.
Photo by John Towner
Self worth is everything. Knowing what you have to offer in a considered way, through genuine observation, not designation. This brings an assurance to your actions and words, freeing you from suppression. The more you develop this awareness, the kinder, more open and less and less judgemental your communication becomes. You can become inspiring to others. Demands and judgements will start to diminish all around you. Why? Subconscious recognition of assurance. It cannot be manipulated or controlled. It takes work, but it’s work that brings the greatest reward, which is peacefulness through wisdom.
This week’s ‘Treat You Self-Worth’ Recipe
From Honestly Healthy Food.
Important: While we hope to inspire you, you MUST make sure that all ingredients you use are compatible with your own individual medical conditions, medication, allergies and goals.
Serves: 3-4 | Prep time: 25 minutes | Cooking time: 30 minutes
600g fresh raw pumpkin or butternut squash
225g rice flour (and a little more for rolling)
2 tbsp ground flax seed
5 tbsp water
½ tsp chilli powder
1/8 grated nutmeg
20g fresh sage
4 tbsp coconut oil
2 cloves of garlic, crushed
180g baby tomatoes
15g fresh sage
1/8 cup of water
- To make the gnocchi pre-heat the oven to 175°C. Peal the pumpkin and take out the seeds and chop into half moons. Put onto a baking tray and drizzle with 1 tbsp of coconut oil and put into the oven for 30 minutes or until soft. It’s really important not over cook it as the pumpkin will become watery.
- Leave to cool. If you can leave it for 2-3 hours it will help with the consistency when you come to make it. Once cool, place in a blender and puree until smooth – do not add any oil or water if you think its too dry – this is how you want it to be.
- Soak the ground flax seed in the 5 tbsp water and leave for 15 minutes.
- Next, add the flax seed paste, chilli, nutmeg, salt, chopped fresh sage and rice flour to the pumpkin puree and mix together. It will form a dough like texture.
- Sprinkle a little rice flour onto a surface and take a small amount of the dough (approximately ¼ a cup) at a time and roll out into a long sausage about ½ an inch in diameter. Then cut into 1 inch chunks.
- In a frying pan make the sauce. Put the coconut oil and crushed garlic on a medium heat – once the coconut oil starts to melt and slightly froth add the chopped fresh sage and tomatoes. Then add your water and leave to absorb all the flavours and reduce.
- Bring a pan of water to a rolling boil. Drop the gnocchi into it and make sure they don’t stick together by swirling the water with a spoon. Leave for 2 minutes.
- Once the gnocchi is ready strain out and immediately tip into the frying pan with the sauce. Leave to cook for about 30 seconds stirring gently to get the flavours of the sauce over the gnocchi.
- Serve straight away and enjoy!
- Tip: If you want to make the dough the night before put into a bowl with a cling film over the top
- and leave out on your kitchen work top ready for you to roll the next day.